Lillian-Abigaile

You could've copied the dictionary and it wouldn't have mattered. Just those beautiful scripted letters on a page in my hands. The ink bled through just enough to saturate the corners of the cursive. It's all curves and valleys. A font I could only lust after. It had soul. Almost like the very words you wrote were in direct allusion to the gods; Like all the connected alphabet fell to the ground and on it's knees, worshipped you. I wanted to read everything you took note of Even, on occasion, your grocery lists. But then, You could have copied the dictionary and it wouldn't have made any difference at all.

It's 2 am. I can't sleep. I never can these days. Luckily sleep has always been one of the last things my body requires for survival, much less important than water or food. The shadows have returned to my eyes. My shoulders are so tense I could break through a brick wall with them. The vertebrae in my spine are suffering from my slowly worsening posture. I'm wearing tracks in my carpet with all the pacing I'm doing. But, I can't sleep. I am a prisoner of my own mind. All I can do anymore is think. I pace and I think, and occasionally I drink. Why is this ruining me? I try to focus on anything except you, and every time I fail. You aren't e

All I know is, I looked around and I missed you. For the first time. Ever. I honestly wished you were there. You could get me out of this class and we could roam the halls like we used to. We could talk about anything, or nothing at all. I just wanted to talk to you, to see your face. I just wanted to be near you. I was overwhelmed. My heart actually hurt. My poor mind was forced into retrograde as the memories of us burned away at the lining of my esophagus, brimming behind my lips like liver bile right before you puke. So there I sat, in my sick anger, sulking because I was alone. Alone in a room full of people, shouting at me to smack the

The water is where I belong. I can hear it calling my name. The sounds of the crashing waves reverberate through my soul. The water is where I was born. You could see the ocean from my hospital room. It has held a spot in the deepest place of my heart ever since. Oceans and seas. Lakes, ponds, rivers, creeks, springs, estuaries, puddles. Freshwater, saltwater. The water is the only place I ever feel completely free. It never judges me. When I speak, it listens. "Have mercy. Be silent." I say, and the surface is made of glass. "Lift me up. Guide me." I say, and magnificent walls of water rise to meet me. The wake laps at the

I am fighting my way through the war you started Because you were jealous. I am clawing my way to the surface, Just to breathe. You're suffocating me with your rules. I gnash my teeth and spread my wings In hopes that you will stop treating me like shit. And be scared of me for once. It's about time I made my peace with this. It's about time I let go. I was defenseless, I was a child. No human being deserves those memories. It was abuse in the simplest meaning of the word, Even though you had us convinced it wasn't. Even though you had us convinced we deserved it, Like we had done something wrong. You aren't supposed to hit c